You'll Burn Twigs and Be Happy
If you go down to the woods today - they might have gone! At least that's already the case in Poland, where the liberal political elite are telling people to replace heat from Russian gas and coal with sticks foraged from their local forest.
The ruling Law and Justice Party has told chilly Poles that they can 'help beat Putin' by gathering fallen wood, although they are also told to ask permission from the forestry owners first. Wood-hunters are also warned that they can't actually cut down trees, but twigs and the occasional branch brought down by the wind can be picked up and taken home.
Millions of Poles live in Communist-era high rise flats or apartment blocks, so it is unclear just how many of them will actually be able to take advantage of the warmongering government's 'kindly' advice.
It's not clear yet whether Boris Johnson will offer the same advice to us mere English peasants, but with many tower blocks still clad with highly flammable boarding, it has to be hoped that such ridiculous and condescending advice would be ignored.
We can, however, imagine President Macron getting in on the act just across the Channel: "The peasants have no gas." "Then let them burn twigs!"